Make it happen

They say education is a lifelong process. Every time I begin a new job, I like to ask myself ‘What have I learnt?’ and ‘How have I changed?’ As I am beginning to feel settled recently, I asked myself exactly that.

In this job, I learnt to make things happen. In the past, I have only ever been taught to request for jobs to be done. Whenever the job was not done, it never mattered much to me as long as I have done my part. I accept whatever the reason was, because I accepted obstacles and failures to be part of life. In property management, I find myself following up with certain people and pushing for actions to happen on daily bases. When plan A fails, I seek for plan B, and C, and D… etc. Persistence is the key to real estate. If I gave up every time there is an obstacle, nothing will ever be done. If a sales person gave up at every obstacle, no properties will ever be sold.

It is only the end if we accept it to be the end.

Limit

I do not believe in eternity. No, I am just not that kind of girl.

I believe there is a limit in everything we do. There is only so much we can take, to tolerate, to accept from the world. Water heats to a certain extent to let go of its form and turn into steam. Water cools down to a certain extent to turn into ice. When you push circumstances to an extreme, you just cannot expect something to unconditionally stay in form forever. That is the lie of literacy ideology – everything is defined by meanings that are fixed in stone.

There are times in my life where I wait for that limit to show itself. I wonder if I keep going like this every day, will I develop extraordinary time management skills or will I quit? Or am I just being a whinge as this is nowhere close the limit?

It's a right to be free

Sometimes I get upset – heartbreakingly upset. I wonder what I am living for, what I do it all for?

I brush my teeth. I watch myself in the mirror. I wonder what products can cease my skin from aging. There are times during the day that I feel agonising pain along my back. I adjust the chair; I move around, nothing helps. I can’t scream out loud – because it is a slow agonising pain.

When I am alone, I visualise the week ahead as shown below.

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Work 8:45AM - 6:00PM	Work 8:45AM - 6:00PM	Work 8:45AM - 6:00PM Prepare Tutoring Material 8:00PM-9:30PM	Work 8:45AM - 6:00PM Volunteer Tutoring 7:00PM – 9:00PM	Lunch date with Rebecca 11:00PM – 12:30 Work 1:00PM - 6:00PM	Work 9:30AM - 2:00PM Catch up with Miles 3:00PM ->	Domestic household duties 9:00 – 10:30 Work 12:00PM - 4:00PM

The question is: why would the week after be any different? Why would weeks after that leads to the end of the year be any different?

There are people I really want to see. I feel selfish to ask them to go out of their way to see me for just an hour. So I schedule people to call after work. The truth is I don’t want to distant myself from my friends. It upsets me if they do not pick up. Though, it’s not like I tell the people about my schedule that will be a bit ridiculous.

This is the part I cannot explain. Why do I choose to live like this? Surely with all the alternatives, I could have chosen a different career path. Why this? Is it because I am already here and this is path of less resistance? Or do I secretly want this life? Do I want to test myself?

It is like freedom is a privilege the rest of the world is entitled to, but it should be a right.