Maybe I am stronger than that. I think therefore I am. I can be independent. I think I can. I will do to prove.
No one around me seems to think we should be together. Even I once upon a time believed so that we can never be. Perhaps, it is only out of desperation. If that is true, I’m sure I can overcome – just like another material need. Forget about it, time will pass, and we will grow. Ah… that is the smell of spring.
9 comments:
It is no crime of wanting. Maybe it's not a need yet, that is why you have assessed it so much and decided that you can give it up.
Back to the idea of rationality from my comment in the previous blog, sometimes i feel like i have lived in this tension of rationality and disciplinary lifestyle for too long that i no longer know whether it is 'want' or 'need'. Or is it just plain 'rationality'?
settle on something/one you want that is also rationally acceptable.
rationality by itself is no fun. without it, wants&needs will give you as much pain, as pleasure, upon losing what you had.
so stop thinking and just feel for a minute. or two. then vice versa. past experiences will help you rationalize. at the end of the day you want a fish on your plate. so do whatever floats your boat and go fishing. some fish will bite you, other fish you will kiss and throw back (ie. you hurt the fish), but whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
"so stop thinking and just feel for a minute. or two."
If only i know what i want... i'd be able to feel and not have to think - so much.
"at the end of the day you want a fish on your plate." do i? perhaps i do. but should i? do we act solely on desires?
though, you might ask, what harm is it here. i don't know - there seems to be moral obstacle in my head.
you know what you want but your rationality is telling you that you can't have it so you're getting confused at whether you really want it or not.
so keep looking until you find a fish that you want and, will not be inhibited by your morality. if you want to taste fish, that is.
if discipline and morality serves to make society fair for everyone, then what exactly do you find unfair in this process of 'fishing'? do you feel like you're not ready? is that your obstacle?
oh really, "discipline and morality serves to make society fair"? nature just self-arranges to be fair & just? ... again, i don't know, does it? do you believe so?
i think the moral obstacle for me is: what if it is only out of the desperation of being with someone? if the positions vice versa, i'd feel used. i mean, 'why did he choose me? i thought we were friends. it would be almost betrayal, that he'd let go of the friendship just like that, for some self-centred ego.'
and sometimes, that is all that the drift i seem to get from him - lonliness.
btw KittyCat, put up a photo...! why don't u sign in with ur account?
sometimes there's this misunderstanding between friends when one party has considered the possibility of being together in a fishy way. if in your case, you find it objectionable communicating about these matters with this guy, then its probably not wise to pursue these said matters. find someone who you can be open and honest with, about absolutely everything, or at least you feel like you have the potential to do so. then, when you are aware of what is going on, you wont get any negative surprises. the only other reason why he'd let go of your friendship like that would be because he's hurt. if not, then you should just move on, forget this fish and look else where.
on a different note, i believe discipline and morality serves to make it fair for many, not just for one. in nature, there are plenty of examples where within the same species, individual's are disciplined in the best interest of their colony (ants, bees). across species, the same cant be said. probably because of a lack of communication. but bringing this back to the discussion, i mentioned discipline and morality because you had a 'moral obstacle' so i thought you found this process of fishing unfair, and i agree in your situation, because there wasn't enough communication at the start (on his part) so his intentions weren't clear to you. maybe he didn't have those intentions at the start... people change. this is getting too long.
i don't know how to reply to u, so dot points it is: -
- 1st of all, you call this misunderstanding? you put ur arm around ur friends without a camera?
- i can communicate with him. i can't think of a thing that i wouldn't 'dare' to tell him, it's just that sometimes i feel that what is the point? even if i tell him him the question mark remains. or he still can't decide for what is best for me, he will only tell me what he prefers of me. perhaps i don't trust him so much.
- if he is hurt, it's not a reason to take it out on a friend. use someone else! yes, on one hand, that what i feel like. where is the moral in this world? esp. in guys.
- i would like to be with someone who i can be open with, otherwise life becomes way too tiring.
- i must agree with you that nature has a way of serving fairness. though, i'm not sure if it is through morality and discipline. to me, morality and discipline are not natural, more of a form of repression in the way society organises itself. (cf. communism. works well in theory, not so practicle.)
- i do not believe the fishing process to be unfair either. nature to me is: darwinism. might is right. the fittest make it through. it is not fair in the sense that everyone get a fair share, but fair in the sense that it makes sense. logical. big fish eats small fish. we know the rules, we play on these grounds.
- dicisions and rationality are different. they lay in an overlaping area of nature and convention. nature allows us to make choices - subjective choices. and we hope these choices are beneficial for us. that is nature. but reasoning is abstract, and rational. we reason with convention. in the process, at times we forget nature altogether.
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