Better off to detach

In life we often get attached to things that we are better off not. We are like atoms; we join and make links so easily. It is almost as if we cannot help ourselves. We do it so subconsciously without realising it, until there is an empty space. It is like a scale where the pleasure on one end slowly merges into a pain.

Buddhism teaches its followers about the Four Nobel Truth. The First Noble Truth is 1) suffering. The idea is largely associated with the pain of loss such as illness, loss of loved ones, bodily deterioration (i.e. ageing), and death. They are the inevitable losses as human beings we are objected to. We may try our best to cure diseases, maintain our youth, and preserve the ones we have lost in memories or memorial artefacts. But in the end, we must accept the truth rather than running away from the change, because they are part and parcel in the cycle of life.

The Second Noble Truth is 2) desire. From a Buddhist’s point of view, the problems of the world began from desire. People seek to food, possessions, power, and sex due to desire, encouraging us to behave in desire-driven ways. In other words, because of desire, we become slaves for desire. Thus, we need to eliminate our desires, reach 3) ‘nirvana’.

‘Nirvana’ is a state of mind, a spiritual being. By eliminating desires, the Third Noble Truth eliminates suffering. ‘Nirvana’ is an enlightenment that awakens one from greed, hatred, and delusions to “see life as it is”.

The Fourth Noble Truth advices on the 4) Noble eightfold Path – right view, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. They are the steps to ‘nirvana’.

From the first three Noble Truths, we can see the obvious problems with attachments. It induces sufferings by superficially securing ourselves with stability. For Buddhists, everything changes, nothing stays the same. Therefore do not expect instead greet changes with openness. As a major fundamental base of eastern philosophy, everything feeds into a greater whole. From this perspective, I find it easier to let go, because individual ownership does not exist.

When I lost my wallet recently for the first time in my life, there was little for me to react to. I know it is out there somewhere, maybe one day it will come back to me or maybe it will not. Life will always go on, and dramas will always continue. Even if I’m not spending my time on replacing ATM, Medicare, Healthcare, and Membership cards, I will still spending that time somewhere – somewhere I do not know. But I do know that once it is past tense, there will not be much difference. I do not feel much attached to my wallet, although I ways have it with me when I am out.

On the other hand, I feel like screaming my lungs out when I found out mum cut off the tag of a garment that I asked her to do needle works on. Maybe to someone extend it is about the tag, but more so it is the fact she used her own logic. She would have wanted the size tag cut off if it was her garment; meanwhile for me not only do I not feel an itch and I feel the garment is incomplete without the tag. Though what really gets to me is she made that decision by all herself. She went ahead and decided what was best for me. Panic and anger rose at my throat when I saw the cut tag. She had no right! It took so much self-control to swallow it back in again.

Sometimes we get attached to items, other times we get attached to ideas. Western culture values independence and privacy. As a result, people are more individualised and less connected. We like to make our own decisions. When someone does make decisions for us, we feel oppression to be a certain way and we judge them for being bossy or controlling. In eastern culture it is perfectly acceptable that my mum made this decision for me.

It is funny how an idea can bite into our minds to take on our worldview. Ideas are similar to items. They bring suffering when it is not fulfilled or not and they caused by desire for righteous.