Expectations and greed

iIn life we often find ourselves with expectations. They are not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes they are just a sign telling us we have lived long enough to make the link between means to an end. But sometimes these expectations go beyond what we expect of ourselves. We begin to gather expectations from the environment around us. Now, that is dangerous, my friend.

For someone who we sincerely open up our souls to, we expect them to be there in our worst of times. Or at least to care about our problems. When the world doesn’t give a shit, we hope that they can understand.

These expectations grow upon us like a virus. In times, I wonder to myself: Is it because we are so desperately reaching out, or is it because they have gone over broad feeding us signs that they care?

Perhaps it is wishful thinking in the ‘back of our heads’, that we want them to care, we hope that they care. As a result we dreamt it up that they do care. But reality never made it.

Or could it be greed? Are we asking for too much?

I have learnt to let go. I have learnt to have less of these ‘attachments’. I tried to give without having to take. I took the lessons from ‘Brave New World’; I made up my own world, its key principle being: To give endlessly without expecting for return. I tried pushing myself to the very edge from the centre of the universe. Did it work? Was greed ever filtered out from me? It is almost as if I have locked myself up underneath what is the so-called human flesh. With every drop of warmth I felt from the humanity, their generosity overwhelmed me and I hoped to connect with those I think I can trust. Do you see what has happened? I ended up with even more concentrated 'attachments' and greater expectations.

It's like a dream, we play by the rules because we think it is fun

It’s like a dream; we play by the rules because we think it is fun. But all of sudden, this dream gets too real. The branches from our worst nightmare pokes through the forth wall, actions (that followed by consequences) have never been so real. The colours of joy and sunshine have simply dried out, the battle is on. Darwin was right, life struggles for existence. For some of us, this struggle gets too long and tiring. And if we call it quits, we wonder ‘where this road will take us from here?’

What is it in the world do we actually own? According to Marxism, the ideas and values of the society are imposed through the means of production by the dominant class.

Are we confidant enough to say we own the means of our own happiness?

Alone time

It seems that the more time you spent with people, the more you lose your sense of self peace state of mind. Standing in solitude on fresh grass or going out of one’s way in the dark just to be alone has gradually lost its incentive in the increasing significance of social networking and growing number of population. That escape that was once so yearningly fought for has now been replaced by a tendency to reach out.

Why is this? Are we really no more beyond the norm we belong to? Is the existence of an individual that insignificant that even s/he needs to recognise him/herself in terms of a norm? What is this, ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’?

Does this entry sound like a rebellious consequence of pushing the world away from one’s self? Where is the admiration for independence there once were?