Future and past

Searching… not knowing, yet searching. In this world we find our own objectives. Your parents are not there to guide you through; they are the biological reason for your existence. The rest is not yet determined but will invincibly move into the past. The ones who have a grasp of their future are instantly in grasp of their past. You can’t touch what you once could not grasp; you can’t eat a cake that you did not bite.

Overwhelmed by the possible consequences, the past over-shadows the future. How many of us have tried to let go? How many of us have succeeded? How many of us still remain in our insecurities? Even when there is no winning, it’s a battle we must fight. Hope – keeps us going. Just as well, hope leads to disappointment. To believe the sun will rise before we set, to swallow in everything you do not understand hoping eventually they will come to sense, we hold on with our eyes shut.

It's gone, but' it's still not gone

After all this time, it's hard to believe he still has such hold of me. I still find it hard to breathe at the sight of his name on my window live messenger, he is still the thought that starts my day; he is the one I think of in the middle of my thoughts. No one else can replace him; he is the constant in my days.

Though I can't promise forever, right now I need him like a heart that needs a beat.

I wish he needs me as much I need him. I wish there were things we could have done but need not be counted for. I wish we had three strikes before we were out. I wish we lived like the world was going to end. I wish I knew before we said our final goodbye. I wish I could move on, I wish he could see me already moved on.

Don’t we all just want to be held? Don’t we all just want the necessaries of life and the one we love?

In the dark, it was a blur. In the dark, we need not take responsibilities. In the dark, I wish we could start all over again. There are certain things we'd only do in the dark where in the light of day, we fear being judged, we fear we could not rewind. Only in the dark, we live out our last bit of life where we pretend no one else could see.

Let it bleed

It has been so long, my love for him has probably been long gone. But my heart will forever hold onto that thought, the moments we shared, everything I felt. I will wait. I will wait for him to make my day. I locked away my heart and gave him the keys. If it means to give in all I have, there is nothing left of me to give any more. Love and pain, which is which? Seems one can not simultaneously exist without the other. If his affections were meaningless, betrayal could never be. If this pain inside is cursing me not, it mustn’t be love that I had for him. Every day that has gone by is parting the time we had together a little further away. Memories stay in the past, so it states the universal law.

Let it fade, let it loose.

Our future awaits. Let it bleed.