I recruit

I have been lying awake, thinking about friends and evaluating friendships. It feels like ‘a brain in a vat’ that reality is only made believe. Even the ones who I once considered to be the best of friends, somewhere down the track I have often came to a point and thought ‘Fail, fail, fail!’ I may have believed we would be friends forever, but it has never been too hard to take a step away. The worst part is I would rationally decide that I want to ‘cut’ the person out of my life completely, simply because they cannot meet my expectations.

Have I set the bar too high? After all, I am not looking for a partner in life. Having said that, is it too much to ask, to remember what I said when I have been ranting on about the same thing for over half an hour? Is it too much to ask, to be genuinely happy for me when I just saved myself from depression? Is it too much to ask, to void certain phrases that lifts the scars to my wound? Is it too much to ask, to sacrifice a little in the name of our friendship? Or is it too much to ask?

Is this what humanity is? 

We are all flawed in different ways. We are all strengthened in different areas. We all have different expectations. Do we accept each other for who we are, or do we move on to the next lot of applicants?

For the best

Change in time

The very first time my family moved house, I believed my new home was going to take my parents into their retirement. Little did I know, and little control did I have over the circumstances. Three years later, we moved. We have moved to a larger house with an extra room for studies, plus all the shopping and public transport convenience. I was convinced that was it, we were settled at last. Two years later, the same scenario rose again. My parents planned for retirement, and took an even larger double story house. They have decided to rent two of the rooms and avoid government pension. Perhaps it is finally the last time we would move as a family and perhaps for the first time, I had evidence to believe my parents were here to stay.

A few month ago, my parents had purchased another property nearby and made plans to move into the property. Was I naïve to have foolish expectations of permanence each and every time we moved? Like love, with each new relationship we hope and believe that is our last. It is the only way to maintain the presence and give our maximum. Maybe this is what motivates us to push our potentials and develop in new areas, to believe a 100% and give 100%.

A few months ago, all I wanted was a job. It seemed like the hardest milestone I will ever cross in life. What would I have not given for an employment social status and income security? After landing with my current role, my new challenge became how do I do my job well? I grew so much respect for others in my trainee group that I wonder what I have done to deserve this position. Did I over sale myself?

That is the power of the present. The immediate challenges of our lives forever undermine future challenges or past accomplishments in our lifespan. In our naivety, we tend to expect the present circumstances to remain stationary and unchanging. Thus, many of us have actively made plans into the future assessing on our current wishes and criteria.

Marriage commitment takes the words “I do” to conclude to “I will”. I cannot begin to assess the fallacy of this argument. The fact that he trusts her now is not an automatic lead to he will trust her in the future. The reality of our world is that everything changes in time, not necessary for better or for worse, yet simply different in form.

You are so small, you live in a box.

Some people, they are just so small. They live in a box, where they feel safe and secure. Constantly reassuring themselves by bringing others down, because before anything else they must protect themselves from the harm. It kills them to see others succeed; it kills them to know they cannot compete. For that matter, they manipulate reality in a way that is suitable for their consumption.

They are just so small. They live in a box. They like to tell people how to think, it is just that they fall short in creditability. Never missing an opportunity to brag about their accomplishments and I believe every word. But I will never respect you for anything you did, because you morally disgust me like an unstoppable bacterial growth. You are lower than low, you are the under-caste that brings shame to our race.

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