A life

There are times when I feel like I own this to myself. The need to write, the need to make time for myself. The need to make space for myself, just because.

There are times I can’t see myself clearly that I feel the need to represent myself in a form that I can understand. Words they provide certainty. They nail down a world of certainty. In front of your eyes that is the world. It is a world that you do understand. Just like that, you learn to appreciate your own experiences, and develop your own culture. To build on top of each experience as each present stack on top of the past. Nothing matters anymore. Let the world be.

I don’t really know what I want to do with my life, apart from wanting to indulge into it, experience with it while making it overall pleasant for myself. So far I have grown attachment to morality and some other cultural values. I would like to see myself fulfilled in living life.

That Ex Pt2: Somebody slap me, please

He held my hand and kissed my forehead. I will forever hate him for it. There was a time I really did believe guys never give unless there is something to take. On the 14th of April, 2009, he took me out to explain to me why we split up and how he felt. I thought he felt bad and wanted to assure that I was okay. It was more than enough to gain my respect. He gave me hope in humanity. He was the light that made everything okay again, because after what's-his-face I hadn’t been okay.

Now, I can’t help but mock at this misjudgement. Wasn’t that a bit naïve? Wasn’t that a bit self-absorbed to think he did it out of his own good will just for me? If he was this great, wouldn’t I have known? He never was. He never could be. The final straw is blown - no more contacts other than accidents from now on.

He has taken away the one thing that I have treasured from him, in just half a day.
An ethical male is such an oxymoron.