Importance of breaking out from comfort zone

Generalisation is a human nature. Often in life it is somewhat convenient to categorise others and put them inside a box. But it becomes dangerous when you start categorising yourself, resulting to limitations in your own life experiences.

I never thought I would find myself in middle of a pole dancing workshop. That is not to say, I had anything against pole dancing. But you know... I had no special interest in pole dancing, why would I take time out of my week and fit pole dancing between work, family time, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, down time for myself, catching up with friends, exercising... (the list goes on)?

Yesterday, an awesome friend of my, N (single) invites me to share the celebration of her 27th birthday and her recent passion for pole dancing. Little did I know what I signed up to, I went expecting an end of semester performance by her pole dancing class. Rereading the invitation again would help in the future. When I showed up, my first hint was there are no seats for audiences. Still, I did not expect myself to be doing any dancing. For one, I am out of tune when I sing, if I dance I will be most definitely be out of rhythm. For two, I initially told Nikki that I would like to watch, and Nikki said watching is fine. See? There is no reason that I should be involved with dancing.

It was not long till I realised everyone who turned up is Nikki’s friend, and not part of her pole
dancing class. Some like me showed up expecting to watch, while other showed in gym wear ready for pole dancing. Due to the small number of people who came to dance, the teacher encouraged us all to pick a pick and dance along.

I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I enjoyed watching the promiscuous side of everyone, and laughing at people when they make a fool of themselves. It was just nice to exercise and mentally loosen up. At the same time, the experience has bought to my attention the amount of muscle that I have neglecting in my everyday living.

 It got me thinking about all the different classes out there that I can be signing up to, and new people I can meet. Why have I not yet? Why is it that Nikki can make the time and I can’t?

Well, there is something I do not want to admit: when I am free, I spend time to my boyfriend. So do I spend too much time with Mr Boyfriend? Certainly not according to him, and I do not think so either. We only see each other on the weekends, and call in the evenings during the week. There is no standard for how much time one should spend with their significant other, therefore there is no such thing as too much or too less time that you spend together. But regardless how much time you spend together, it is still time. It is still time out of a lifetime, time out of a limited span of time.

 People in relationship will have less time to explore whether it is to a slight extent or enormous extent. It makes me wonder why I have not ever appreciated it when I was single. It seems that you need to have been in a relationship in order to know how to be single. You need to know where all the relationship constraints are, in order to take full advantage of all your single privileges.

Perhaps this is where the 80/20 rules comes in. The rule states that approximately 80% of the production comes from 20% of the activity. Maybe I only need to be a girlfriend 20% of the times. 80% of the time should be spent on me. Because there are so many things I want to expose myself to before I die. There is so much I have not seen, yet alone done in this whole wide world. I refuse to let my youth go just like that.

The fight that every patient go through

It was never clear to me why cancer patients are fighters and courageous survivors. . After all, it is beyond anyone’s hands. Is it not all up to fate?

Christmas Eve 2013, my grandma had her forth stroke. The next day, doctor pulled my parents aside and advised if there is no improvement in the next 24-48hrs, they will give up all medications – no drips, no anti-biotic, all her usual medications will be cut off. Then, what we feared happened. My grandma’s only defence was her own immune system, and the little food she is willing to eat. There she lied fulfilling the criteria to palliative care.

They said she is in pain and there is no quality to her life. The best thing for her will be to prioritise her immediate happiness, and cut off anything that is aimed at prolonging her life.

As much as I wanted to believe she is the exception to what doctors say and that she will recover before our eyes, it does not help when she actively refuses to eat. I am witnessing her energy level ceasing by the day. Does she know? Has she given up? Has she lost the patience? Has she lost the tolerance? Does she care anymore?

Suddenly the fight becomes clear to me. We can choose to fight or let go. It takes strength to have faith in your fate, to stand up to disbelief, and to be selfless before the ones you love.

If she has given up, I do not blame her. If she has lost patience, I understand her. If she is here to serve her immediate happiness, I respect her decision.

Temper

I am not a believer of what goes around, what comes around. But I do know when I have crossed the line. Today my grandma decided to wash my clothes without my approval, after endlessly being told not to touch my clothes. In consequence, I believe I have chewed the air out of her as I steamed off at full velocity the instant I found out. Perhaps for her age and mind-set, it was too much for her to take. My five minutes of lecture/vent has resulted to three hours of her rumble. From a resources’ perspective, it costed my parents two hours in their attempt to sort her out – time that otherwise could have been better spent. As for my grandma, I had no idea that it would cost this much time which could have been better lived.

Would I have held myself back if I knew? Sometimes one just needs to know there are rights in the world. Is it so wrong if I wish to exercise my right to be angry, once in a while? Plus, what justice in social evolution would it be if all responses are non-offensive yet perfectly structured in a robotic format?  

Though often when I do push the limits too far, there is a fear that something horrible will happen to me. So I know what I own to the world, because it is unfair. She did not intend to make me mad, but simply wanting to feel useful. I fully understand why she is upset; I would be just as upset if my manager spoke to me like that. I think every time that guilt kicks in, it is a sign that I have gone too far.

It is not a case where I should look for a balance. Sometimes it can only be one or the other.